Tijuana Adventure

La Revu is no longer the same. Is a fucking mess under construction, but they are going quickly. It’s sorta sad though, how often Tijuana disregards its past and rebuilds as if nothing was there before. I wrote about it in 2016!

Two thousand fucking sixteen. 

Ghost buildings haunt Tijuana: No romantic approach toward saving old buildings. 

Link to original piece: https://www.sandiegoreader.com/news/2016/apr/13/feature-ghost-buildings-haunt-tijuana/

It was about how they demolished “La Concha” by the border and about Mexicoach, which up to this day is NOTHING. 

New buildings come and go. Old ones live in memories and pictures. People remember BabyRock fondly. Now, where it used to stand, it’s going to be the biggest skyscraper in this city (supposedly). Will people remember Malbouche fondly? Will it last more than a decade? 

Malbouche Piano Bar

The new trendy hipster Tijuana bar. They open too many places. I couldn’t even do a proper review for Club Ocampo, and there is already this.

In the video, I joked that it looks like La Cueva del Peludo… it doesn’t. But the joke landed.

The inside, the structure, the artistic architecture, all of that… It’s AMAZEBALLS. It is so well done, and it gives you an eerie, cavernous feel. It looks big, but it isn’t. No more than 20 people can fit comfortably in there. And the layout is a bit strange. There is both a DJ booth and a piano stage. But both are small. Can’t fit much more than a piano player or a DJ. Not a proper band. Perhaps a singer.

It’s perfect for Fiona Apple.

But that’s about it.

Get Fiona Apple to Malbouche ASAP.

The manager offered me a free drink while he told me more about the place. The drink was similar to an Aperol Spritz. It was refreshing, and I drank it without much thought.

It is another excellent addition to the Tijuana Adventure tours.

The manager told me more about the structure, designed by artist Jaime Zu with workers from Veracruz. It is very well done, but I’ve heard that when it gets crowded, it gets hot as balls inside. Something they will have to fix ASAP. The manager is the guy who does the Bite Me! burgers. Now talk about a good burger. That was a great fucking burger. The only thing I didn’t like was that I didn’t get full. But other than that, on the top 5 of burgers as of now… but as of now… he is not making burgers. He is managing Malbouche.

Speaking of burgers… 

I also tried a new burger at Teorema/CaPau. It was a pop-up event. It sucked. Probably one of the worst burgers I’ve had in the past 10 years. And it’s not an exaggeration. I feel bad for the chef… I’m not sure if he put any effort into it… But if he did…

The meat was light brownish, and it tasted like it was a soy patty, though I’m sure it wasn’t soy. The fries were burnt on the outside and raw on the inside. The sauce was okay, but it didn’t rescue anything. The burger had “bacon marmalade,” but it did nothing. It just tasted like okay buttery bread with some protein inside. One of the worst burgers I’ve ever paid for.

I’m not great at burgers, but when I was a teenager, I would cook better burgers than that… Or maybe my standard got raised after trying the McMorris.

We had another burger yesterday. My girlfriend ordered it and I got to try it. A new smash burger at La Republica de Hops. It was fucking solid. And it comes with fries at a cheaper price than the McMorris.

It’s very good… but the McMorris still beats it. I would include it in the top 5 burgers in Tijuana for now…

I still have to try like a million more.

Influencer shit.

I’m up to 10.1k.

I haven’t reached 20k on TikTok.

But it’s going up steadily… the influencer game.

Gringo Hunters Full Review

Hey. If you made it to the end of the series. Congratulations, you get rewarded with some scenes with Alyssa Milano!!!

When her first scene started, I thought, is that fucking Alyssa Milano!?!? But I said nothing. When her second scene happened, I told my girlfriend, “THAT’S FUCKING ALYSSA MILANO ISN’T IT?!?!” She had no idea who that was. She is not good at remembering actors’ names. 

I photographed Alyssa Milano back in my paparazzi days, she was really nice. Here are some photos:

The last two episodes were probably the best two… but the show is so poorly written. Are the cops amazing badass cops, or are they fucking dumb fools?! 

Because at one point, every single shot they take is BAM A HEADSHOT, and they have ninja-esque skills to fight and move around. And in the next scene, one bad guy takes the cops’ gun the easiest way possible, and the main badass goes to the ghetto in the middle of the night and lets herself get punched in the face. 

Are they super smart and do proper arrests? Or do they get trapped with the silliest of fucking shits? 

WHICH IS IT?! There are a bunch of plot holes and a lot of things that don’t make sense or get disregarded. You can tell they didn’t properly study Tijuana (like always). And it has so many fucking stereotypes. 

But overall… It’s passable. I give it a 6.2 rating. I made it to the end, and it entertained me, mostly because I was watching for Tijuana things that I can mention in my tours. There was a lot of b-roll and scenes that went too long for no reason, but there were several good things. “Camila the autistic chick,” played by Regina Nava, was pretty good. “Beto or Betun” by Masalva had the closest accent to a Tijuanense (with the help that it’s his second time playing someone from this region). And “Archie” played Andrew Rogers was okay. His character didn’t have proper development, but the actor did well with what they gave him.

The two main characters… ew. I’m not even going to bother researching their names. Fucking shitty acting. Please spend a whole month in Tijuana just listening to people. No one in the area talks like that. The award for worst line spoken on the show was by the main female cop, when she said: “ya te las sabanas.” 

I doubt that they will be doing season 2. The series “Tijuana,” which was based on a true story, also didn’t get renewed (it wasn’t good). Damian Alcazar appeared in both, and it seems like he only has one character, the wacky old man that has a deep, interesting past. He reprised that role again in the Gringo Hunters, and it was fine. There are SOOO many great stories in Tijuana. How they manage to turn them into shit or barely passable stuff baffles me. 

Tours, Books, Merch, and now Substack!

I had the largest tour with Tijuana Adventure so far. It was 19 people. I don’t enjoy it when it’s that many people, but it went well. The biggest tour before that was 16 people. I have never lost a client… except in that one party. And it’s a long story that I already wrote in my book.

This party was shorter than other bachelor parties. The original plan was 11 am to 4 pm. It ended up going more like 1 pm to 7 pm.

It was probably the worst weekend to cross the border. Baja Beach Fest weekend… the border was a fucking mess. But most of them had Global Entry, so it was a breeze!

They were all Hindu (except one)!!!

An all-Hindu party and the biggest yet. The unfortunate thing is that I didn’t get to meet everyone properly. But the ones I talked to were pretty awesome people.

It was a simple tour. I’ll post the video soon. They request tequila and lunch. And that’s what I got them. A lot of tequila… and a feast over at La Cevicheria Nais. I saw the check, and it was around $600 for 20 people. Nothing for a bachelor party feast. And then Norte Brewery for another bottle of tequila, speech, and back to San Diego for their dinner reservation. More things happened. But that will be reserved for book 2. I’ve had every type of group imaginable. I’ve seen some shit. What a life.

I got paid. I got tipped. I got pretty drunk. It was a good Saturday.

I have a Substack now! Under my name, Matingas. This Newsletter gets posted there. Subscribe if you like to support or subscribe to my Patreon or… BUY MY MERCH!

La Ballena shirts are finally here. I only have 24 shirts and 24 tote bags. Buy now or a book a tour… send me a message!