Book — Confessions of a Tour Guide: Chapter 7.5 — Hong Kong with Psycho.

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Chapter 7.5 – Hong Kong with Psycho.

I did errands and some work and got distracted on purpose because I didn’t want to write what I’m going to write.

 

It’s not even that bad. This was years ago. I was 26-year-old and was YOLOing harder than ever.


 

We entered Hong Kong drunk and high at around 2 a.m. on a Tuesday. The place was not as lively as it usually is. Still a lot of naked women everywhere, but not the insanity of weekends in the sex emporium.

 

Before we even found a place to seat, psycho chick was saying hello to some women excitedly. She knew a lot of the dancers but didn’t know they worked there or never seen them work. She ordered a bucket of beer and gave me a $20.

 

Then she said, “wait, I’ll be back.” 

 

The bucket of beer arrived and she was nowhere. There goes not only the $20 she gave me, but the only $20 I had that was supposed to last me more than a few days.


 

First beer out of ten and I’m sitting in Hong Kong by myself with no money. Trying not to look at all the naked women around me because as soon as you give them eye contact, they’ll approach you.

 

There’s nowhere to look.

 

Stimulation overload.

 

I’m so over it.


 

For now.


 

Second beer. I’m drunk as fuck. I don’t want to drink anymore. But there’s a bucket of beer that I pseudo-paid for so I’m going to drink as much as I can.


Fuck. Third beer. This is boring now.


 

And there she is! She came back. The psycho chick.

 

With $400 in her hands.

 

She handed $200 to a waiter and told him to break it for $20s and singles.

 


She then handed me a fistful of singles and said: “I want you to spend it on my friends.”


Yep.

 

My luck turned around. Psycho chick just handed me a bunch of money. She was telling her friends to come over and be with me while at the same time she was with me… It was… magical? 


But wait. There’s more!


Much more…


Sorry, mom.


It took us less than an hour to spend the couple hundred. I kissed and touched many naked women while kissing the psycho chick at the same time. And they did the same to me.

 

The waiters were treating us like royalty as psycho told him to break another $100 and bring another bucket of beer.


 

The waiters had no idea psycho chick was also a stripper but just from Adelita’s and not Hong Kong. She was dressed in regular clothes. Tight jeans, tennis shoes, a regular shirt, and little makeup.

 

She gave me a fistful of singles again. Beer was ignored at this point but was still there.

 

And then she decided she wanted to dance on stage.


 

Waiters didn’t care. The other girls encouraged it. 

 

She got up and started stripping for me and for the general audience.


 

I helped her strip. I started throwing money that she gave me on stage. Took off her jeans and left her with just her panties and put more money as she danced… for like another second. 


 

Then she helped me strip…


 

Then I was on stage.


So there.

 

Secret out. I had sex with a psycho hooker in public for a moment. 

 

Again, Hong Kong wasn’t very lively, so it was just some waiters, other hookers, and dozen other customers that were entertained by their own naked girls on their laps.

 


 

We didn’t finish, but I was naked on stage (boxers only) with her totally naked and two other naked girls there. I think I had a moment of consciousness when I was like “dude, you can’t keep going.” I’m pretty sure we were taking it too far, but at some point, I was on the side of the stage putting my clothes back on.

 

Her, the same.


 

The other two girls that were on stage came to us and gave her back some of the money. 

 

And she still had plenty of money.


 

After what happened, waiters kept treating us like royalty.

 

They started ushering us into the VIP room where they told us we could keep it going with more girls.

 

We laughed at each other and said no thanks.

 

Then they ushered us into some private fancy rooms with a jacuzzi shower with glass windows and four-poster bed with translucent curtains and soft clean sheets. It pretty much looked like a set of a porno. And porno was playing on TV.

 

Again, we said no thanks. 

 

They tried ushering us to another place that was basically the same, with more promises of girls, champagne, and other VIP treatment.

 

I think they thought I had the money and not her. Because I kept looking at her like “what’s your choice.”

 

She again said no thanks and that we wanted to go back to the main area.


 

There we sat with her friends again trying to finish the rest of the bucket of beer.


We didn’t finish the beer when she said it was time for tacos.

 

She handed me the rest of her change. $50 some dollars. I put them in my right pocket of my favorite green hoodie.


 

I lost that green hoodie. I miss that green hoodie. That fucking hoodie was perfect.


 

We stumbled down the street for tacos. It was near dawn time. We were beyond wasted. Her, more than me. I had time to sober up after the actions occurred. 


 

She got three adobada tacos with everything. At the time, I was a “vegetarian” so I ordered nothing.

 

Also at the time “I would never be with a prostitute.” Too late to go back on that one. 


 

I still never have paid any money for it. And I don’t think I ever will. So hooray my morals!?


 

She was so drunk that she was eating the paper that came with the taco. I helped her fold that paper back so she wouldn’t eat it. Nah. She kept munching on that taco drunkenly eaten the paper and all.

 

I was hungry, so I grabbed a piece of the meat ever so carefully picking a not so greasy piece that didn’t touch the guacamole that was piled on top (I hate that green booger shit). 

 

Vegetarianism over.

 

Give me a taco without that green booger shit.


 

Almost ate it with paper and all.


 

I took money out of the right pocket of my beloved green fucking hoodie that I miss so much. Paid the taquero. And down the road, we go to her place.

 

Her place?


Oh yeah!

 

There’s more!

 

I said there’s more!


 

Her place was Hotel Velario, a hotel near all the prostitutes. And guess what happens in that hotel?!


 

It’s a really nice standard hotel. She had a room on the bottom floor. The building is weird, is sort of a labyrinth and it goes down a few floors instead of up. 

 

The room was also pretty standard, except she had all her shit there.

 

I remember I saw her official ID on the night desk. Shit. I learned her real name and her age. She was 21. I thought she was older than me at the time.


 

She opened her closet and tried opening her safe to show off her money. She was too drunk to open it. She left her purse and money on top of it. 

 

Then we had sex for hours.

 

For way too many hours.

 

I was tired. I wanted to sleep.

 

She wouldn’t let me. She wanted more and more and more.


She went to other rooms to show me off.

 

Other girls that worked with her basically also live in the hotel. The girls would come into her hotel room and play with me. 

 

Yep…


 

I was so embarrassed. But at the same time YOLOing. She just kept telling girls “you gotta see this guy’s cock. It’s perfect.”

 

So more girls kept coming to check it out.


 

I just wanted to fucking sleep. She wanted more sex and got obsessed with not being able to open her safe.


 

At some point, she called the front desk to tell them she couldn’t open her safe. Security came into the room to help her. Security dude seemed to be friendly with psycho. They couldn’t reset the fucking password so they welded that shit down and told her they were going to bring her a new safe.

 

She had over 20k in cash on the safe…


 

At some point I did sleep. Because I woke up and suddenly there were several fruit juices JUMEX on the room’s table as well as shitty Mexican pastries. At some point, she went to the store and bought breakfast. 


 

I had no idea what time it was.


 

I slept some more after breakfast. But she kept touching me trying to get my tired penis to do something. I told her I needed sleep. At least a couple hours.

 


 

I woke up no idea at what time. She was asleep but felt me waking up.

 

And started touching me right away.


 

After what seemed the 7th time I had sex in one day, I left her hotel room.


This circles back to Chapter 1

 

This is when I stumbled out of Zona Norte after the craziest fucking night of my life. I reached for my pocket to call my friend Brown. “Dude, you won’t know what just happened.” Those were my first words.

 

Tijuana happened.

When I was talking to him giving him a rough summary and telling him to meet me for beers soon, I reached inside my right pocket on my fucking beautiful green hoodie.

 

$37 dollars.


 

I told him I’ll call him later.

 

Turned around and headed back to the hotel.


 

Shit. I didn’t know what room she is in. Her first name was very common and I forgot her real last name. I couldn’t just ask for “psycho chick.”

 

I turned back around and went back to my place. 


 

I messaged her later that day to let her know that I took some money from her by accident and thanked her for the wild night. She told me not to worry about it and to buy her beer one of these days.


And wait.

 

There’s more.


A month later she texted me that she was pregnant….


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